Perfect Peach Pie

I hope you will still be speaking to me after I ask you to make this pie, and that's because

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I don’t believe there is any pie that is a bigger pain in the ass to make than a peach pie.

Seriously.

If someone makes you a fresh, homemade-from-scratch peach pie, they LOVE YOU. Like, really love you. I can’t think of a more grandiose and extravagant gesture of undying love than a damn peach pie. 

Why? Let’s review.

Just to make the filing, you must first source deliciously ripe peaches - easier said than done. Rock hard from the store, you must place them in a paper bag on your counter in the hopes of coaxing out their sweetness, and monitor them like they’re on house arrest. You see, you want ripe, but not too ripe, lest you have a brown and mushy pie. Peaches and avocadoes are brethren in this regard - rock hard one moment, compost fodder the next.

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*sigh. Okay.

So, now that you have your perfectly ripe but not too ripe peaches, you have to get down to peeling them. Reaching for your trusty OXO peeler are you? Oh no friend, you can just go ahead and put that away. You see, instead, you must heave-ho your biggest pot filled to the brim with water onto your stove and bring that baby to a rolling boil. Don’t get burned with splash backs when you plop your peaches into the boiling inferno like little juice filled bowling balls. And let’s hope your ice maker isn’t on the fritz because you’re gonna need enough ice to fill a big bowl to shock them in.

Now, and only now, can you peel them, and hope one of those slippery suckers doesn’t slide out of your hand and roll onto the kitchen floor. Compose yourself, pit and chop them and finally now you can get down to pie making (have we even made the crust yet?).

Even after all that, you might still end up with a pie that looks more like peach soup with a disintegrated crust swimming around in it. That’s a level of heartbreak I’m not willing to endure.

So why would anyone (me included) want to go to the herculean effort to make such a notoriously troublesome pie? Let me tell you: because when done right, it is soooo worth it. 

I’m sure I’ve lost half of you by now. But for the brave souls who remain, read on. We shall persevere to pie nirvana.